Many times, we will get involved because of some small things. Your partner often complains to friends, "She/He often gets angry for some reason." You may also doubt yourself, "Hey, I really seem to be very strange."
Is it really inexplicable? I want to say that as long as it is your emotions, there is no inexplicable saying, every time, every outbreak can find the source, as long as you get a little guidance, let go of your vigor, guard, and good-looking masks, life and relationships, in fact It can be very simple.
When faced with confrontation, our old model will automatically reflect. For example, girls send out signals that need to communicate, and boys generally reject them, because most "ordinary boys" regard such signals as trouble, obstacle, stress, and There is no more advanced way of thinking, seeing that this is an Aha moment!
Today, I will teach you 4 steps to eliminate your dissatisfaction with your partner. Use a more advanced framework to walk into the source of your emotions and get along with yourself and your partner in peace. Of course, this technique can also be used in your relationship with your boss, friends, family, etc. In this exercise, we can project ourselves to gain more freedom in relationships.
Individual practice and two-person practice
- Conflict found
Close your eyes and think in your mind the last time you had a conflict with your partner or other people, how you felt wronged, misunderstood and hurt.
Try to recall the other person's words, eyes, movements, etc., where you feel the most hurt, be clear about what you care about, and be able to express that point clearly.
- Acknowledge yourself
Acknowledge that you have been wronged, misunderstood the feeling of hurt, or that you have said hurtful things before. Silently or verbally said: Yes, I feel wronged, misunderstood, and hurt. or Yes, I just said something ugly.
At this step, many people may have burst into tears and will have a very difficult time saying the words. Because we have long been trained to learn to be patient and to be strong. However, "recognizing", "speaking" and "showing fragility" are the most important steps to open the hearts of oneself and others. tips: Remember to talk about your feelings instead of accusing each other with the second or third person.
- Imagine what the other person looks like
Imagine in your mind that you are having a face-to-face dialogue with the person involved, and also imagine that you are expressing your feelings to him in the way of "acknowledging" and "speaking" and "showing fragility", and then you are aware of the TA in your mind. What expressions, behaviors, reactions, feel the atmosphere, and remember the whole picture.
In all the cases of visitors, more than average people will perceive the other party who is initially very "ugly", become cute, non-aggressive, and willing to communicate and express. Some visitors will hug each other in their minds.
- Actual expression
Express the third step of the personal exercise to the other person face to face in real life, just telling you that you did this exercise, and the details are xxxx. If you can’t face-to-face, I also recommend that you use video recording, or write text to send to the other party. Create different possibilities for each other.
In the end, many consultants will ask, teacher, I have a problem, I am very insecure, I lack love, I want to change my personality, it is too weird to push away all the people who love me... In fact, don't always think about changing your personality and changing your old model, because it is almost impossible. You only need to be aware of "ohh, I'm caught in it again" as quickly as possible when facing fluctuations, and then you can assist yourself in taking unconventional actions.
HAVE A TRY! You will find that in all relationships, nothing more than facing self-growth, the relationship between yourself and yourself. Who are you and why do you fluctuate due to this or that kind of personnel... After this exercise, come back and leave a message to tell me, what have you found?